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 My First Cut

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Post Count : 3
Current Location : manila
Sexual Identity : not sure
Preference : not sure

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I am feeling..:

PostSubject: My First Cut   Thu 05 Nov 2009, 4:49 am

I never realized I could love someone so much, until the day I met him, it was in April. After a month of dating, we officially started our journey to wonderland. I had my hesitations and second thoughts about it, but the moment he said hold my hand and never let go, the journey maybe rocky but I promise that I wont let go, as long as you promise that you wont". All I could say was "I love you and I want to be with you".

Then came October 16, 2009, the longest day of my life, the day my partner broke up with me for the reason "he already found a new one".

I couldn't cry because of the pain I was feeling. It was so immense that I found myself blocking all the information coming in. I could not believe that it was happening to me. It was only after I left his house that I started crying. When I went out the door, I thought that it would be the last time that I would ever see him, and tears started falling from my eyes.

I barely had sleep because of what happened. I was emotionally tired and my body was so numb. I found myself crying and sobbing from time to time; I could not eat and could not sleep. I was like a child asking for my mom and cousins to not leave me alone. The worst thing that could happen to me then was to be left alone.

I could not enter my room. It was all there --- his memories, my life, and my love and suddenly, it's all gone. "You are my first, and will always be Macarthur Park", that was what I told him.

My room was empty and my heart all torn to pieces. All I could ask to myself be "how do I start?" I was so afraid. I was afraid that I might not see him again. I was afraid that the pain might not go away. I was afraid that I might not able to forgive him. I was afraid that I might not be able to start again, and mostly I was afraid because I knew I still loved him.

I didn't know if I could ever love someone again or need I say that I didn't know if I could ever trust someone ever again. I gave it my all. I wanted to make it with him. I might sound dreamy but I wanted to be with him forever.

He would always be my first love, my first cut, and my deepest cut.
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PostSubject: Re: My First Cut   Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:58 am

I think everyone has this. Mine I met in the summer as well. What I miss about it is that feeling where you can't even think that you'd break up because, it's just not possible. It's not. You believe with all your heart and your being that you were meant to be. That there is no greater love than what you have and no one can ruin it. If there could be a pause button in my heart, I would had that on pause forever if possible.

The thing with great love stories I think, is not just that we are our happiest but also that we are at our best. We feel that we can accomplish anything, survive anything and we feel that we are living our lives to the fullest.

Very few people are lucky enough to survive together through this overwhelming love that you think you can't handle. To those like us who have been left, I feel that the best is still yet to come and if that was the best that we will ever have, then I still think that it was a great opportunity to have felt that way because believe me, some people never have and may never will.

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