YOU WERE NEVER MINE TO LOSE

6pm. Gutom na ko. Puro coffee lang laman ng katawan ko today. I am looking at my desk. It has a printed-out pink A4 poster that says “A TRAIN STATION IS WHERE THE TRAIN STOPS. A BUS STATION IS WHERE THE BUS STOPS. MY DESK HERE IS A WORK STATION…” I printed it myself. Pero syempre, ako lang at ang assistant ko ang nakakakita nito. I called my assistant and told her na pwede na sya umuwi. One last look at my FB account….hmmm…nothing exciting. Log in sa Lesbit…uy, andun si crush. Pero ok lang, andun din gf nya. Heheheh. Last look at my emails…delete, delete, delete. Done. Turn-off computer. Gutom na talaga ko.

Handwritten sign sa may elevator: Press Down If You Want To Go Down. Press Up if You Want To Stay Here Forever. Syempre kaya, last floor na to, no?! (Wala talagang magawa ang mga smartass call center kids dito sa floor namin.) Bakit ba nasa 28^th floor kami? Ambagal ng elevator.....
Ting! Husky voice over “Twenty-eighth floor. Going down.” Hay, salamat.

Now, where do I park my butt to eat? Sige, Burger King na lang. I’ll choose counter 2, isa lang nakapila. And the girl in front of me looks cool. Nice dark jeans, nice jacket (ang tawag nito dito sa atin e
blazer), closed black shoes, naka-boots. In fairness, malinis ang takong. Super short curly hair. Gaydar working. Naaamoy ko. Ang tagal naman umorder. Pare-pareho lang cholesterol yan, choose your death wisely. Ano bang hinahanap sa wallet?...sa bulsa? Haaayyyy….I looked at the cashier with a puzzled-taray look. Sabi nya, “Ma’am, wait lang po ha. Wala lang kasi akong change, I need 3 pesos.” For 5 seconds, nag-isip ako. “Here, I have extra coins.” And gave it to the cashier. Then the woman in dark jacket looked at me and said “thanks” rather sheepishly. Cute. My turn to order. Sa wakas, makakakain na din. Or so I thought. All tables were taken. Lugging my tray and craning my neck for an empty table, I found one being bussed. But The Cute One is waiting for it. Damn. As I was about to turn and look for another table, The Cute One motioned me to sit with her. I froze…in panic. Lam mo yung itsura ni Mr. Bean pag nagugulat/natatakot? Ganun itsura ko! Ako ba tinatawag nya? Ayaw gumalaw ng mga paa ko. The same exact feeling when I have not overcome my stage fright yet.
Nak ng… she smiled and again motioned for the vacant seat beside her….. And that sweet smile thawed my frozen legs.

So I sat beside her while I murmured my thanks. Ayan ka nanaman, inaatake ng torpetitis. Keeping my head bowed while I munched my Chicken Fingers and Fries, I looked for my ketchup. Wala. And just as I was about to get up and get a packet from the counter, The Cute One picked up her
ketchup and said “Eto o.” “Thanks.”

And that was the start of a 3-hour dinner. Turns out The Cute One is not just cute, but shares the same humor as me. She works as an Interior Designer at the 10^th floor of my building. And a lesbian. Nice! I went home with a big smile on my face.

6pm the next day. I feel jittery…in a good way. I straightened my sun-washed camp long-sleeved shirt. Ayusin ang collar. Sprayed Cumbia Colors by Benetton. A little powder, para di naman shining, shimmering, splendid ang face. Light lipstick. Lumapit si Assistant with a naughty smile on her face.

“Anong meron? Nangangamoy pokpok ah.”

“Umuwi ka na bago ko maisip na ipa-scan sayo lahat ng documents sa stockroom.”

“OO nga po, sabi ko nga po uuwi na ko e.”

Burger King....papasok ba ko? Papasok ba ko?.....Papasok ba ko?...Pumasok na ko. Quick scan…wala si The Cute One. Oh, well, gutom na din naman ako…I chose the longest line. Got Whopper Jr. with cheese, medium onion rings, and Coke. While still at the counter and waiting for my Coke, I munched on a couple of onion rings. Sarap! Just as I left the line, I saw the The Cute One on the other line, smiling at me. “Share tayo ulit sa seat ha.” she said. Shit. Sino ba kasi maysabi sayo na umorder ka ng onion rings.

For a week, the Burger King rendezvous continued. I found myself making excuses to leave the office at exactly 6pm. I heard my assistant telling a manager that I am not available for a meeting at 6:00 pm. I made a mental note to recommend her for a pay raise asap.

One more week and I will surely die of a heart attack sa dami ng cholesterol na na-ingest ko. Who cares? I love Burger King.

Friday. For the first time in my life I dread Saturdays and Sundays.

Just as I opened my mouth to take a bite at my Chicken Whopper, TCO looked at me and said “Busy ka this weekend? Wanna go to Tagaytay with me?”….Muntik na ko i-Heimlich Maneuver!

I took out my Coleman and packed some cold water and juice. I raided my pantry for chips and cookies. At exactly 8:00am, she was texting me that she’s already on our apartment building’s driveway. Second Generation Rav4. Ang taas na talaga ng cutie points nya.

We had so much fun in Tagaytay. Had breakfast at Antonio’s.
Took the trip to Caleruega’s, then had a late lunch at Sonya’s Garden. Our conversations went from Nora Aunor movies to The Importance of Golf in Business. Global warming to joys of taking the MRT. We spent dinner at Leslie’s Restaurant. At kahit na 15degrees that night, her laughter filled my air with
so much warmth. It was already 9:00pm when we decided to head back to Makati.
We were both silent most of the time during the trip back.

Finally, we were in front of my place. Time to say goodbye. I’m not good at goodbyes. May separation anxiety yata ako e.

“Thanks for a great day. I had fun.”

“Yeah, same here. Don’t forget your Coleman.” Oo nga pala, ang Coleman ko.

Just as I reached for the doorlock, she took my hand, pulled me close to her and kissed my lips, gently at first…then got a bit harder. My heart was doing a somersault, a backflip, and a cartwheel all at the same time. I was close to heart attack when we parted.

“My girlfriend is coming back from Singapore tomorrow afternoon. Thanks so much for our wonderful dinners together. I won’t be eating at Burger King for a long time, I guess.”

“Yeah” was all that came out of my mouth. Big girls don’t cry.

You Were Never Mine to Lose
15 December 2009