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 Life After Death

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Post Count : 144
Current Location : somewhere far from here

My Status
Current Status: none of ur business
I am feeling..: Sad

PostSubject: Life After Death   Tue 11 Oct 2011, 8:42 am

i read one verse from the bible.. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13).. its definition on love really moved me.. made me think for a while of what i hold in my heart is love or what..

after loosing you, i admit, i wasn't myself for quite a while.. there was this whisper in my head telling me to come after you.. dumbly and blinded by how i feel, i followed it.. not thinking of what can happen if i do so.. never the less i still followed it..

each day that i don't get to hear your voice im frightened of what will happen the next day.. so worried that what you feel is slowly fading.. uneasy each day knowing what you might say to me once we talk again.. but because of how i felt for you i managed to put all those fears and anxiety behind.. hoping and thinking that nothing has changed with you..

whenever i think of how i tried to have some time with you, i smile.. yes i smile.. although it didn't turned out the way i wanted it, i still smile.. just thinking that you somehow tried it as well is enough to make all the 'what cuds' disappear.. i make myself think that "at least she tried to see you"..

and when you told me the things that im afraid to hear from you, i just put it as, something someone told me to learn from.. it was really painful hearing those words from you.. but i admire myself on that occasion.. i didn't cried a single tear while we were talking.. i found that somehow im still strong inside.. strong enough to hold the tears til i don't hear you anymore.. i felt like i died..

few days after, im no longer forcing a smile.. im no longer in the shadow of hurt.. you told me to look at it as a foundation to move on.. and i did.. and im still doing it.. i rearranged my list of priorities.. making sure that each on my list will be done.. and when i look at that list, i cant seem to find a space for to include love..

im happy, i smile, i laugh, but its not because im over you or anything.. its because of the people who believed that somehow i can do what i promised them.. i came back for those who said will wait for me & i told ill come back for.. all the things that i wanted are happening one each time..

i want to tell you.. yes.. lot of people are depending on me.. they need me.. and i can provide for them whenever i want.. and they wont argue with me about it..

and now, im still being haunted by the same feeling as before, but ive learned to control it.. specially now that i see you're happy with her.. im happy for you as well.. i learned not to care.. it wont do me any good..

mem'ries will stay.. and im happy thankful for those memories.. once in a while i find myself looking back and smiling.. so dont worry.. im gonna be fine..

this is my life now after my death to you..

set me free you memory
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